I know I have always had an "issue" with anxiety. Like many people, Im sure, i have always wanted to achieve, get things right first time, impress those I love and care about. This often means setting my expectations too high and I often, without realising, set this bar high of friends and family and those I come into contact with.
What I see as my "real anxiety" was really triggered at university. I chose a distant university although I had some family nearby so was vaguely familiar with Staffordshire but half way through my course my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I went home for a year to take care of her whilst trying to study via a laptop. Although my mum has made a full recovery, I spent my final year back in halls with noisy, careless "children". I would get so anxious about timing of lectures that I would end up not going as it would take me too long to get ready - that included cleaning my room and ensuite to my environment was controlled. I didn't go out, only to sit in the nearby park or travel home every two weeks to see my family and then boyfriend (now husband!). I even on occasion took to finding refuge with my duvet in my shower cubicle as it felt safe and was relatively quiet compared to anywhere else in the accommodation block...
It makes me snigger now, but at the time I felt so distraught and lonely, but slogged it out as I thought this is what I "should" bedding. getting a degree is what I "should be" doing. 10 years on, I can see that it isn't what I should have done but hey - hind sight is a wonderful thing and only any good if you are in a good place to recognise it.
It is only recently, in light of hosting a depressed cake work shop that I have come to really that it isn't just something that is me but anxiety is actually classed as a mental health problem. Not that I need a label to justify the thoughts and feelings that can overwhelm me but it has helped with how i deal with those anxieties.
Only in the past few months have I stopped trying to do it all - I no longer say YES to everything just to please people. I take a minute to remember I have two little boys and one big boy (Mr. R) that rely on me.
I don't need some elaborate excuse to not attend a function or meet up.
Seeing how I feel on the day rather then booking in advance takes the pressure off and therefore isn't something for me to focus on or worry about.
So, my chosen charity is Anxiety UK - Anxiety UK Registered Charity Number (1113403) Established 1970
and all proceeds raised shall be donated to them.
Cant make my Depressed Cake Shop Thanet Pop-Up event on 14th March? I have set up a JustGiving page so if you would like to support this charity then please do so as every penny counts.